Delhi’s airport touts are apprentices in a much larger guild. The city has refined the tourist scam into something approaching performance art — elaborate, well-rehearsed, and occasionally so brazen you almost have to admire the craftsmanship. Here are the greatest hits, so you can recognise the tune before you’re dancing to it.
The “Your Hotel Is Closed” Scam. A driver or a helpful-looking stranger will approach you with grave news: your hotel has burned down. Or flooded. Or been shut by the health department. Or been swallowed by an earthquake visible only to him. The concern on his face is Oscar-worthy. He will, naturally, know a much better hotel — run by his cousin, no doubt — and would be happy to take you there. The correct response is to smile, pull out your phone, and call the hotel directly. Spoiler: it’s fine. It was always fine.
The “Special Rate” Taxi. A freelance driver loitering outside the terminal offers you a ride at a price that sounds reasonable — until you realise you’ve no idea what reasonable looks like in a city you landed in four minutes ago. Never negotiate with unofficial drivers. Use the pre-paid taxi booth inside the terminal, or summon a ride through an app. And never, under any circumstances, allow a tout to lead you anywhere. The moment your feet follow his, you’re a fish on the line.
The Luggage “Helper.” Someone will materialise beside you, grab the handle of your suitcase with the confidence of a man who’s been doing this all his life — because he has — and begin wheeling it towards god-knows-where with a cheerful “I help you, sir!” The help is unsolicited. The bill that follows is not. Politely decline, keep a hand on your bags at all times, and remember: in Delhi, if you didn’t ask for a service, you’re about to pay for one.
